%&^$@(^$

My eyes hurt from too much crying today. I haven't felt this upset in so long. This kind of post is something i also wouldn't normally open up to people because 1) i feel so dumb 2) i feel ashamed

but somehow, i need to let this frustration out.

Today, i took the biggest exam i have to take in my 2 year graduate program to become a nurse practitioner.. and i passed it...i passed with flying colors!The  predictor for the HESI exam even stated that i have a high probability of passing my NP certification exam(Boards) on the first attempt.
I WAS HAPPY.
i wanted to open up some drinks and celebrate!

Then, i found out this  afternoon that i failed my OSCE.

BY .5%
.5
0.5%%%!!!


I needed 1 point to pass it. OSCE (Objective Structural Clinical Examination) is pretty much a skills exam where you see a standardized patient, do a workup for a diagnosis etc.
I took this exam a month ago. During that time, I was going through some rough time w/ family stuff and was just having a bad week. I know it's not an excuse, but i recognized my mistake and learned a lot from it.

I emailed my professors on the day of the OSCE, that i knew i didn't do so good on 2 OUT OF THE 6 STATIONS. I knew i did bad.

OSCE is graded subjectively. Although there is a rubric, the professor can take in consideration the thought process behind the answers and still give points for some questions.

I NEEDED 1 FREAKING POINT!

According to the syllabus and the handout, IT IS NOT REQUIRED TO PASS IT TO GRADUATE- however, they changed it verbally and said that we need it to graduate.

Now, i am required to retake it and the next remediation is NOT UNTIL AUGUST. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!!

I passed all my classes. Heck, i passed them with good grades! I get mostly A's and some B's in my classes. I graduated magna cum laude in college, with honors in high school- and though they may all seem irrelevant to my situation  right now.. what i am trying to say is that I am not a bad student. 

I  go to classes when i have to, i turn in all my homework in time, i go to all my clinical rotations. 

I DONT UNDERSTAND. 

I am a few days away from graduation. They told me i can still walk, i don't need to take another quarter, i just need to retake the OSCE and that's it... i can move on after.

BUT MAN, the feeling of knowing you need to still finish a requirement WHILE you're walking on stage is probably NOT THE BEST FEELING to have on your graduation.

I am so fucking done with this program. So many inconsistent policies.

Tomorrow, i will have a meeting with the dean and my advisor... and i am just hoping for the best.

What a depressing day...