Enough.

I am drinking my mimosa as i am writing this post.

 When i first heard of the word "burnt out", I never thought that it was something that I would actually experience as nurse..well, because I love nursing. I love being a nurse. I love my patients, I love the adrenaline, and I love the idea of caring for people and saving lives.

Last night, I almost broke down at work. I dreaded last night's shift. I felt like I carried a large elephant on my shoulder as i stepped out of my apartment. It was heavy.

The past shifts i had were rough. Rough, not in the sense that I was walking around the unit non-stop and being physically exhausted. It was mentally draining. I've had crazy patients before but I felt like everything has bottled up and it was ready to explode.

Not letting these emotions out earlier has probably made the feeling worse. I thought i could handle it.

I go to work every day with the thought that I can conquer everything, then i go home and i get slapped with the reality that i can't fix everything. I can't go home ALL the time with patients less crazy, less angry, less in pain, and less sick.

I am starting to hate work, and i hate that.

Maybe i just haven't had that one patient who truly appreciates what i do. Maybe because it's that time of the month again and i feel slightly more emotional. Maybe i am just tired. Maybe I just needed to vent about this. Maybe i just need a drink. Maybe.

Either way, writing about this makes me feel better. It's like throwing my anger and frustrations out in the universe. It brings order into my thoughts.

 I don't have to burden someone by having them listen to my ramblings about a patient who calls me a "b*tch", a patient who's moaning and in a lot of pain and I can't help, a family member who's frustrated and scared..

I had to take the day off work today, because I need to. I need some time off to recuperate, rethink, rekindle and remember why I got myself in this profession in the first place.