The past three months have been a struggle. financially, physically and emotionally. I think the long hours of driving are the worst, and it's slowly getting in to me. I sit behind the wheel for four straight hours drowning myself w/ deeper thoughts about life goals, what am i doing?, what is life? etc.
It's exhausting.
I don't live in my apartment. I only go here to sleep.The furnitures I bought, they are untouched, collecting dust in the mere three months of owning them. The television.. I can't remember the last time I turned it on. Was it food network i was watching? Was it when I played a game of call of duty? I honestly don't remember.
I always try to look at bright side though. I look around my apartment, and I know I own every single thing i have in this place. I take pride in knowing that I can financially support myself at this age. I have learned to cook from whatever ingredients I have in the pantry. I learned to eat leftover chinese food for 2 days. I learned that going out, driving out alone on a weekend is not so bad after all. Solitude became my temporary bestfriend. I learned that life is tough when you have to pay your own bills. I dread every 1st of the month because I know a big chunk of money will be taken off from my bank account to pay for rent. I learned to buy things not just because they are on sale, but because I need them. I learned that curtains are the best gift you will ever receive if you want a good night sleep after 3-4 long 12 hour night shifts.
I learned that in order to build and maintain relationships, you have to build bridges, not walls.
Not only was I able to learn a lot in the past three months, but I became more grateful. I am thankful for Skype, text messages and technology in general. I am thankful for my car, without it I won't be able to go places. I am thankful for my new job. I have met amazing nurses. I am thankful for the nurses who have precepted me and those took me under their wing. Those who makes the shift go by faster. Those who bring food. Those who help me admit at the end of the shift. I am thankful for the ones who eat their young as well. Without them, I will not able to see my mistakes and to motivate myself to become better.
I am thankful for a loving family. They bring me homecooked meals when they visit me and they remind me that home is not that far away. I am thankful for Jeff, for always being there even if he is hundred miles away. He is my rock, and I think that a lot of the things that I am doing is for our future together.
These things- the lessons, the privileges, the blessings, the struggles of living on my own. This is my storm.
Many times, we are faced with circumstances where we need to go through a rough path to get to our destination. Many times we just can't wait for the storm to pass.
But it is through all these hardships that we learn and we come better a person. We build the foundation to make us more resilient to more upcoming storms. We might as well enjoy it and learn to "dance in the rain"
Like what someone said "it is not the destination, but the journey that matters".
